Suicidally Depressed in Connecticut
by Hi-I'm-New
Summary: Feeling Depressed Shane McMahon writes a letter to Dear Abby


Dear Abby, 

I am writing to you because I do not know where else to turn. I am thirty years old and I am severely depressed. There are my contributing factors that have led me to my deep depression, so it might be best if I start from the beginning. I guess what first started getting me depressed was my job. Lately, at work, I have been under enormous stress. I travel two- three days a week plus I put in 50 or more hours at the office. My boss is constantly begging to put in more hours. As my boss always says: Do it for the good of the company. Do not get me wrong I love what I do, but it is just a strain on me to put in 50. I come home at night after putting in thirteen hours at the office only to find myself exhausted. Do I go to bed, Abby? No. I end up staying up until two or three in the morning doing the work I brought home from the office. If I am lucky, I get maybe two or three hours of sleep before I get up and start all over again. It takes a toll on me, my job that is. I am constantly tired, and I am cranky to all those around me. For god sakes, my own secretary is scared of me. 

After devoting most my time to work, it leaves little time for anything else, which is probably why my wife left me. Yeah my wife of five years left me. She had enough of being alone all the time while I had to travel. She was tired of eating dinner alone each night because I was still at the office. She was tired of asking me to take time off from work. She was tired of all the fighting and yelling that we did. Abby, she was just tired. I do not blame her and the funny thing is that sometimes I miss her and sometimes I do not. Of course, I miss her because I feel depressed that she is not with me. I do not miss her because it gives me one less thing to worry about. I do not have to worry about her being alone and crying. The last I heard is that she moved to Dallas to live with her sister and is seeing someone. I think he is a kindergarten teacher, so he has plenty of time for her. 

Finally, my friends and family have helped drive me to depression. I have been mean and rude to them and most of the time ignoring them, especially my friends. They are the two best friends a guy could ask for. We have been through a lot in our twenty plus year friendship, but for some reason this time, I just pushed them away. At first, they would call and see what is up or invite me out to the ball game and such but I would just blow them off. Now neither one of them calls nor nothing, it is as if they stopped caring. If they want it that way, fine, I do not need them. Abby, what am I saying? They are my best friends, and though we are well into adult hood there are still adventures we have not found and dreams that we have not full filled. I need them and I pushed them aside. Oh, god I am getting that pain in my stomach that I am about to throw up. What am I going to do? I do not want to live like this anymore! 

My parents are not really an attribute in my depression. I guess my dad is a little. My dad is a workaholic who owns his own company. He spends all his time at work and really does not pay any mind to what is going on around him. If it does not directly benefit him or his company, he does not really care. I love my mom to pieces and that is why I have not told her much. She worries enough as it is. She asks me what is going on and I lie to her telling her I just need more sleep. I know she does not buy it because I see the hurt in her face everyday. It depresses me even more seeing her hurt, my own mother. My sister on the other hand is much like my dad only cares about numero uno. 

Abby I am tired of crying at night because my life is so unbalanced. I am tired that I have no one to turn to. I do not want to be lonely no more. I tired of feeling this way I feel as if no one cares for me. My wife left me, my friends deserted me, my dad and sister do not care, and I take the burden on myself because I do not want to hurt my mother any more than she already is. It is getting to the point were I do not want to continue living. I have bought myself a gun but I chicken out every time I try to shoot myself. I am scared and I need your help! 

Suicidally Depressed in Connecticut 

  
Dear Connecticut, 

I know that it hurts your scared, but you need professional help. I suggest that you go see a counselor who specializes in depression. A person has so much to live for and it is not worth ending you life for. You need to talk to father. My suggestion is to confront him about you. It may seem that he does not care, but deep down I know he must, he just probably is the type who does not know how to express the way that he feels. Also, tell your mother everything that has been going on. You are hurting her more by leaving her in the dark; she loves you and wants to help you, so please let her. I know that your friends still care as well. The first step is to apologize to them. Tell them what has been going on and that you are getting help. Tell them you do not want to throw away a twenty-year friendship. They will want to help and not out of pity either. You mean too much to them. I am sorry about your wife. Even though she has moved on there must still be a place in her heart for you. At one time, she probably did love you. You need to talk to her and try to work it out so you can at least be friends, because during a time like this you are going to need all the friends you can get. Finally, demand time off from work. If you are a valued employee, you boss will understand, seeing as he does not want to lose you. I know it is going to be hard but you will get through this. Just please before you do anything-stupid call and talk to someone. Believe it or not, they all do still care; you just need to let them back into your heart. It will all be okay. 


End file.
